SLP Insights: Interview w/ Author Jordan Barnes (“Bridgetown: A Harm Reduction Novel”)
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This month's interview is with Jordan P. Barnes. His new book, Bridgetown: A Harm Reduction Novel, comes out March 6, 2022. His memoir, One Hit Away: A Memoir of Recovery, was an Indies Today 2020 “Best Book of the Year.”
Jordan is a substance use disorder advocate, homeowner, loving husband, proud father, award-winning, best-selling author, and a grateful alcoholic and addict in recovery since Aug. 29, 2011.
In February of 2021, Jordan made the decision to pursue his dream and commit to writing full-time. After the success of his first book, One Hit Away: A Memoir of Recovery, Jordan released a free book, Rules to Die By: A Heroin Addict’s Take on Life in Long-Term Recovery, an ongoing episodic fiction story, Rip City: A Portland Sob Story (available exclusively on Amazon KDP Vella) and just published his second book/first novel, Bridgetown: A Harm Reduction Novel (2022).
“After losing a brother to addiction, Harley Hammond became a dedicated harm reductionist who manages a syringe exchange program in Portland, Oregon. When a batch of fentanyl-laced heroin floods the streets and overdoses skyrocket, Harley scrambles to put life-saving supplies into the hands of those who desperately need it. As her marginalized clients suffer through a public health crisis compounded by stigma, blame and fear, she aligns with dealers who have access to an untainted drug supply and opens an illegal safe consumption site under the veil of her syringe exchange. But after a young man takes his last breath in her lobby, a pitbull District Attorney delivers Harley an ultimatum that teaches her saving lives starts and ends with meeting people on their own ground.”
In his memoir, “One Hit Away,” Barnes captures the endless repetition of the intravenous drug user committed to the Sisyphean task of avoiding becoming dopesick. Procuring money or merchandize to barter for drugs. Tracking down dealers and waiting for them to show up. Finding a safe place to spend the night. Repeating it all over the next day.
“One Hit Away” is one of those addiction memoirs where the space devoted to the recovery journey outweighs the war stories of active addiction. Barnes illuminates the inner turmoil of the addict who wants desperately to get clean and return to the good graces of his family, while simultaneously fearing the pain of withdrawal and not quite believing sobriety is something he will be able to achieve.
After finally making it into detox in Portland, Oregon, then back to his native Hawaii, Barnes spent more than a year in a residential drug treatment program based on 12-step recovery. After writing his first book, Barnes decided to try his hand at fiction with a novel about a syringe exchange program in Portland, Oregon.
SLP: I really liked your first book, “One Hit Away: A Memoir of Recovery.” With your new book “Bridgetown: A Harm Reduction Novel,” I’m wondering how or why you decided to write a fictional account about a subject that is so close to your own personal story?
JB: It’s almost like autofiction in the sense that it is drawn from my own personal experiences as someone in active addiction who utilized the services of a syringe exchange. I decided to move into fiction oddly enough because I thought it would be easier after all of the leg work that went into One Hit Away.
It took a ton of research to get the timeline for One Hit Away correct. I went as far as requesting transcripts from my plea [with the court]. The plea in my book is the verbatim plea. And I’ve released the audio recording of my plea.
It took a lot of effort to get the timeline put together. I had to talk to a lot of people. I had to do a lot of digging on myself. I had to pull up mug shots, court records, all of that stuff.
I didn’t intend to actively pursue a writing career. I just wanted to tell my story and help some people. And the response was so overwhelming that it convinced me that I wanted to change careers and try writing full time.
I thought that writing a fictional novel would be easier because in my mind I believed it would just sort of roll onto the page because I wasn’t bound to reality. I could make my own story.
Well, it turned out to be much more difficult because I didn’t have the roadmap. On top of that I was writing about something that, while I had personal experience as a client, I had very little understanding about the inner workings of a place like the syringe exchange. It actually took a ton of research and a lot of time going back and forth with my friend Haven Wheelock [who works at a Portland syringe exchange called Outside In and served as a chief advocate for Oregon’s Measure 110]. Bridgetown would not exist without her input. She was extremely generous with her time and answering questions and correcting me and teaching me.
But that’s why I decided to move into fiction. I wanted to keep writing. I thought it would be easier to draft a story. I didn’t want it to be tied to my own story per se, but I wanted to write what I know and to draw from what was familiar to me. As far as picking a setting of a syringe exchange, I thought that would just be a wonderful opportunity to teach people about harm reduction and a great setting for a book, frankly.
[For clients and staff at a syringe exchange] it’s a difficult situation for all involved. I thought it would be a really cool place to write a book about and a space that’s really underrepresented in literature. But mainly it was because I had the buy-in from my friend Haven who was willing to embark on the journey of me writing this book. She taught me so much, and this book wouldn’t exist without her. I was really grateful for her help.
SLP: It’s interesting that you turned to fiction thinking it would free you from being tied to facts, only to find that it was actually more difficult.
I wanted to ask you more about the harm reduction angle because I agree that there’s not enough written about it, and not enough is known about harm reduction approaches.
In reading One Hit Away, it’s clear that you embraced, and benefitted from, a 12-step abstinence approach (i.e., Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous) to your own recovery. Some would say that harm reduction programs conflict with 12-step programs because they aim to reduce harm and risk, but not necessarily to achieve abstinence. You write, for example, that the residential program where you stayed for more than a year in Honolulu didn’t approve of Medication Assisted Treatment (MAT), which some view as a form of replacing one addiction with another. Given your own recovery journey, what drew you to writing about, and educating readers about, harm reduction.
JB: You are correct. I got clean and sober in a place where 12-steps was the way. MAT or anything that deviated from 12-steps wasn’t part of the program. But I’m someone who benefitted greatly from harm reduction programs.
I’ve overdosed multiple times and I’ve been revived multiple times with Narcan that I received from Outside In, the syringe services program in Portland, Oregon. I did contract hepatitis C in my addiction, but I’m fortunate that I didn’t contract other things. I honestly attribute that to having clean supplies and free access to clean supplies.
I think that I’ve also grown a lot since I started to embark on writing this book. I’ve always been an advocate for harm reduction and [teaching] the practices and principles that go to reduce the harm so that a person who uses drugs will take that with them into recovery - if they get that far - and if recovery is the path they choose. I think I’m really fortunate I was in a place like Portland that allowed me to benefit from those programs and services.
I also don’t believe AA is the only way for recovery. I think that we need all the tools we can get. My personal program is abstinence-based. It works really well for me and it’s something I intend to stick with until the day I die. It’s something I’m really happy with.
I’m really grateful I had the opportunity to get to this point. But I’ve also lost a number of friends who went to the Program [12-step] and tried abstinence-based [recovery] and it didn’t work for them. They went back and they either relapsed and sadly passed away or they had to start all over.
I think that there are a lot of tools out there that people can benefit from. To think one style of recovery is the only style of recovery for every person would not be something I would ever endorse or support.
But I will say for me, AA has certainly served me amazingly well. It’s odd because AA is specific to alcoholism and not drug addiction, but that’s the way that the program framed it and it’s what I learned and it’s what I practice today.
I also would say that there are different parts of people’s journeys. As I mentioned before, I’m really fortunate that I stepped out of my addiction relatively unscathed. I was able to go to Queen’s Liver Center program and address my Hep C post-rehab. But I’m really fortunate that: (1) I’m alive to be in a position to recover, and (2) that the hepatitis is all I had to deal with.
“Something that shouldn’t be overlooked is that places like syringe exchanges and syringe access programs are a gateway into a lot of detox centers and treatment opportunities.”
Someone who is in active addiction can benefit immensely from harm reduction and I think it’s something more people need to be more cognizant of. Also, something that shouldn’t be overlooked is that places like syringe exchanges and syringe access programs are a gateway into a lot of detox centers and treatment opportunities. I don’t think people realize that the referrals those programs make continuously do lead to people getting treatment all the time.
In a [syringe exchange] you see those clients every day and you have an open communication with them. That’s who I turned to a number of times when I wanted to get help. I turned to the people I saw every day, the people I trusted.
To me, they [12-step and harm reduction] all work together. I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive. I think harm reduction programs are something that can really help set someone up for success later in life because the whole goal is to minimize the harmful effects of drugs on somebody. That goes a long way to help them have a life in recovery if that’s where they end up.
SLP: I think that’s a good point, and one that often gets overlooked, particularly by critics of harm reduction programs such as syringe exchanges or safe injection sites.
You know Portland well. What are your thoughts on Oregon’s recent Measure 110 ballot initiative to decriminalize drugs and emphasize treatment? Some say the reason decriminalization has been successful in places like Portugal is because it has been combined with strong social supports. Do you think the state of Oregon, or Portland in particular, has the support structure related to housing, employment and health care that can make an emphasis on treatment over criminalization successful?
JB: Believe it or not, my friend Haven, who played an integral role in the drafting of Bridgetown, was the chief petitioner on Measure 110. I’ve talked to her a ton about it, and I’ve learned a lot about it. Honestly when I first heard about the measure, I wasn’t convinced it was such a great idea. But I hadn’t done my due diligence.
When I talked to my friend, and when I talked to other people about the intent [of the measure], and I learned about the Portugal model, and I learned about successes that have been seen in other places, I realized the whole idea is ultimately one of compassion.
If you remember in “One Hit Away” I wrote about going to a medical detox. I showed up at the Hooper detox and there’s a wait list and triage. A lot of people get turned away. A lot of people have to come back. And you have to come back on time. If you’re not on time your clock starts over and you’ve got to basically reset.
A lot of people don’t make it into the detox that want to get into detox. One of the major reasons is that a lot of those beds are occupied by people who are forced or coerced to go through a detox to keep their job, to satisfy a judge’s court orders or to be in line with probation or parole. They’re not there necessarily to get clean or to actually benefit from the services provided at the detox center.
When you think about what decriminalization actually does, it stops trying to punish people’s way out of substance use disorder. More importantly, it frees up a lot of those opportunities because it’s going to clean up a lot of people that are caught in that system that are actually, through no fault of their own, taking away beds and places in detox centers from people who really want to get into them. I think that’s one really important part that people don’t necessarily see.
I think there’s been a lot of media representation that doesn’t necessarily talk through where the moneys are going to go, and that the money is going to go to treatment centers, and what they’re going to do build out opportunities.
It is something that is going to take time. It’s not something that happens overnight. But it’s a wonderful step in the right direction. There are a lot of people out there that know a lot more about this than I do. But I know the Measure has a strong oversight committee [Measure 110 Oversight and Accountability Council]. My friend Morgan Godvin [featured in a Jan. 26, 2022 NY Times opinion piece by Maia Szalavitz] is a person in recovery who is on their oversight committee.
I think they’re going to continue to make a lot of progress. I think that after 50-plus years of a failed war on drugs, something’s got to change. I think it’s ultimately a compassionate move and I know there’s a lot of pressure on the advocates because a lot of people are watching to see how it’s going to play out. Ultimately, I think it’s going to help.
I think that from my own experience, getting tied up in the justice system didn’t move me in the right direction to get clean. Ultimately, it was me running away from that [system] that led to me getting clean. That’s not the case for a lot of people. A lot of people don’t make it out of that.
I think decriminalization is a different approach, but it’s only different here in America. Other places have proven it can work and that the numbers are in. I’m really excited to see what happens. I know they are really committed to it.
SLP: I’ve been watching reports on Oregon’s Measure 110 and am also interested to see how it plays out.
And to answer your question, yes. I do remember you writing about trying to get into detox. To me, that was one of the most nail-biting parts of your book. I felt like I was right there worrying alongside your mom about whether you would make it into detox and back home.
Toward the end of “One Hit Away,” you write that it’s a “common misconception that a person needs to be ready to get help in order to stand a chance.” I was hoping you could elaborate on what you mean by that generally, and as it relates to your own journey in recovery.
JB: The common idea is that people have to hit rock bottom, but a lot of people smash through rock bottom and end up in the basement. My pathway, my story wasn’t me setting out to want to get clean, for two reasons. One, I didn’t think it was possible. I didn’t believe that it was in the cards or that it was in my future. And two, I was really running from my problem. I intended to run away, let the heat cool off, then make my way back to Portland somehow.
What ultimately happened is I ended up in a place surrounded by a bunch of people moving toward a common goal. In time, I became a believer that I could do it. It wasn’t something I was going for from the outset. Yes, I was willing to go to treatment. But I was going for the wrong reasons. I think that if people were waiting for me to say, “I’m ready to do this,” then they would have been waiting a long time.
I lost my brother to addiction. He never asked for help. He never even admitted that he has an issue with drinking, even when the doctor said if he kept drinking, he was going to die. Ultimately, he kept drinking and passed away. A lot of his friends came up to me afterward and said they had just been waiting for him to reach out. The sad truth is that not everyone is going to reach out. So, what good does it do to sit idly by?
Yes, you can’t force someone. Yes, you can’t coerce someone. Yes, ultimatums tend to blow up in people’s faces and cause resentment. But to think you have to wait for someone to want to reach out and ask for help before help is offered, I think is…I think there’s no harm in trying to be there for someone and trying to show them the way and trying to instill hope into where they’re at. You can always do that, you know.
It's a difficult subject, but I struggle when I hear people say that they’re just waiting for someone to reach out and ask for help. Not everyone will do it, and sadly, substance use disorder takes a lot of lives. I try to let people know that some people might never reach out and ask for help.
SLP: I was sorry about your brother’s passing when I read about it in the book. It does sound like his experience really illustrates the point that you’re making about not waiting for someone to reach out. Thank you for sharing that.
Based on my own journey in recovery, I’ve become interested in how people manage their identity as persons with SUDs or as persons in recovery. How do you make decisions about how public you make your identity, or about how to manage any stigma you confront? You’re an author who has written about your own history. It’s part of your brand now. But I imagine it was a journey to get to where you are now.
JB: There definitely were difficult aspects to that. For context, I got clean and sober in a closed, inpatient treatment facility. It was a closed group with closed meetings. The only people allowed on property were active clients, graduates, staff and that’s it. For years, my whole circle in recovery was Sand Island Treatment Center Ohana [“ohana” means extended family in Hawaiian], and that’s it. Once I started working, our family business hired from the program. Among the people I worked with, a lot of us were in the same boat. But I definitely wasn’t active and vocal or very public about it. It just rarely came up.
When I decided to write the book, there was a point where I had to decide, “do I publish with my real name, or do I publish with a pen name?” I obviously decided to go with my real name. Part of that is because I think you can help a lot of people if you’re accessible. I had no idea how many people would reach out to me post-publication with questions, praise. It hasn’t been overwhelming, but it’s been more than I ever would have anticipated.
I had to go through the legal process of requesting legal permission from friends and family named in the book. Every person approved of me using their real name because they were really proud of the story, and they were really proud of the role that they played in helping someone like me basically reclaim their life.
Definitely once the book went live, a lot of people that didn’t know about that part of the story had total access to it and that was hard because some of my darkest moments and the things I’m least proud of are in this book [One Hit Away]. I mean, I open the book with rifling through my dead friend’s pockets for drugs. It’s a very shameful experience. It’s something that I see as one of the lowest of the lows, but I think it illustrates where I was at.
I had to decide at some point whether I was going to be partially truthful or whether I was just going to be completely out-and-out truthful. I decided to be completely out-and-out truthful. I think people respect it, and this includes those in my life with whom it had previously been difficult to approach the subject matter.
My program of recovery is not everyone’s business. A lot of people knew a bit, but they didn’t really know some of the backstory or criminality aspects. I had to talk with my in-laws and some other people. It was overwhelming, the amount of support that came from people that did know me and do know my story.
I think there’s something to be said for doing something with the intent of helping others. Ultimately, I’m really proud of the book and I’m proud of how it’s been received and I’m proud that it may help those who are struggling with substance use disorders.
SLP: As you should be proud. I think being public with your story serves the purpose of showing people that we can recover and do good things.
The last question I wanted to ask is about parenting. I learned from your bio that you are the parent of a baby, or perhaps toddler by now.
JB: Yeah. With one more on the way!
SLP: Congratulations. I’m a parent myself, but my kids were young adults when my own struggles with alcohol came to light and became known to them. Your situation is different because, if all goes according to plan, they will never experience life with a father who is in active addiction. But in terms of parenting, I imagine you have some fears about whether your kids will have problems with alcohol or drugs. Have you given thought as to how much of your story you will share with them and about the strategies you might use as a parent to speak to them about substance use?
JB: I’m one of three boys. We’ve all suffered from some form of addiction. Many males on my father’s side of the family have too. There have been a lot of issues with addiction and substance use disorder in my family.
I have high hopes for happiness and health and a positive life for my son and my future son. It is something that of course I’ll have to face at some point. I’ll probably start from an early age in a way that makes sense for a kid to understand.
I intend to lead by example. I intend to be honest and forthcoming with my son. I know that if he wants to read my story that he will. I’m okay with that at a certain age when it makes sense. I would hope that he would learn from my mistakes. I definitely hope he doesn’t throw it back in my face and tell me, “Well you did worse.” That’s something I would have done as a kid.
I will say I have an amazing wife. We have really strong morals. Our family has a strong moral compass. We are people who do the right thing for the right reason and we’re going to raise our kids that way. I’m definitely not going to hide it [my past] from him.
I think that I’m going to continue writing in this space. I’m going to continue telling stories that help to advance knowledge about, and destigmatize, substance use disorders. It’s a part of my life. I’ve even kicked around the idea of writing a kid’s book that would help make the subject more palatable for young children.
My mind is spinning. I definitely don’t want my son to endure some of the pain that I’ve put myself through in life. The one thing he has going against him is that Dad knows all the tricks. I know the signs to look for. We’ll just see. It’s not something you can really shelter a kid from entirely. I will wish my kids the best and do the best I can to be a strong and supportive parent. But it’s out of your control as a parent and I can’t control it. I’ll just continue to live in a positive way and hopefully lead by example.
__________
SLP: Like so many of us who have suffered through addiction and come out the other side, Jordan appears to have found a calling and a means to cultivate an identity that will help him persist and to be successful in recovery. As he mentions in the interview, his calling is to use his experience to educate.
To that end, Jordan shared with me in an email that not only does Bridgetown aim to educate a broader public about the potential benefits of harm reduction programs, but it also includes a resource guide he developed in collaboration with the organization called Never Use Alone. The guide includes instructions on how to use Narcan to reverse an overdose.
Thank you, Jordan, for your work and for spending time to speak to me about your new book, Bridgetown: A Harm Reduction Novel.
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